I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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