I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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