Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
