you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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