Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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