the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
