We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
