I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize