census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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