Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
