I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize