Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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