i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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