before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there is glitter all over my balls
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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