I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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