I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
