I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We left the knife in your bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
