If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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