Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
