i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
