Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
