Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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