isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
