He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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