exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
