checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
