question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
be right there i have to get my cape
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