some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
