She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
