You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
