My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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