If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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