Do you still have your period?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
