You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
