He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
