So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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