I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
