yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
