she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
