this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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