Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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