ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
