and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize