We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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