Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
