dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
