I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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