C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????