I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian