I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself