you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
