Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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