i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
