Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
