I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
