I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
