We won't sleep together?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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