Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
