I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
