You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
