Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
