She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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