I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
