toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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