so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
