I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
