her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
