I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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