Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
