i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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