I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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