You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
