They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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