If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
