her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
