Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
