I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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