I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize