last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize