I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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