So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
