...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
