There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
