we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
