need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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